Ups

The mental trials that come from trying to make it as a professional tennis player are often severely underrated by fans.

At dinner with Magdalena and her coach, I tell her how jealous I am that she gets to travel with a coach. In my heart, I know I am capable. I am grateful because, for the first time in a long time, I am excited about my match. I was somewhat honored that she cared to talk to someone without a ranking at that time. I tell her I am writing a piece on anxiety and tennis, and she immediately says, “Now let me tell you, why don’t we talk about this more?” The best way I can share and explain the mental health challenges of professional tennis is to walk through a typical trip. I’ll make up a hundred reasons to delay, knowing in my heart that if I want to be successful in tennis, I can’t afford to be anything but committed to my career. I often will have a two- to three-hour car ride with a driver who doesn’t speak English. I speak Spanish, but that doesn’t always help. Even though I am lucky enough to have financial support from sponsors and family, I coach and write to support myself as much as I can. When talking to the people closest to me – or anyone, really – I constantly remind myself to not sound ungrateful. I put on a smile for them, even though I’m sad that I can’t be at my favorite restaurant, too. When I’m traveling, I sometimes avoid FaceTiming my family on Friday evenings – because I know they are all out to dinner.